We do see signs almost everywhere. Here are some interesting signs Lederer has found during his travel, taken from his book “The Bridge of Anguished English”.

• In a Winston-Salem, North Carolina restaurant – Shoes are required to eat inside.
• Outside a Cardiff, California restaurant – Help keep the birds healthy. Don’t feed them restaurant food.
• In a Brooklyn barbershop window – During construction we will shave you in the rear.
• On a newspaper rack in Melville, New York – Please pay for newspapers before being taken.
• Outside a Grand Rapids furniture store – We promise you the lowest prices and workmanship.
• Sign outside Phoenix racecourse – Live Horse Racing Today.
• Outside a Van Nuys, California gift shop – Live Artificial Trees.
• In a Detroit restaurant – Toilet out of order. Please use the floor below.
• In a Bar Harbor, Maine, restaurant – Open seven days a week and weekends.
• In an Orlando Safari park – Elephants Please Stay in Your Car.
• On the wall of a Vancouver cleaning service – Able to do the worst possible job.
• Attached to a chair in a Toronto hardware store – Are your bottoms sagging? We provide a caning service.
• In a British Laundromat – Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
• On many WCs in London – Ladies, Gentlemen & Disabled Toilets.
• Outside a secondhand shop in Bath – We exchange anything – bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
• In a health food shop window – Closed due to illness.
• In a dry cleaner’s window – Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
• In a London dance hall – Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town, Everyone welcome.
• On the fence of a rural farm – The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
• In a Manchester shop – Customers should note that any complaints of incivility on the part of our staff will be severely deal with.
• A sign in Cairo, Egypt, advertises a donkey ride for tourists – Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Finally, here is a is a response to inquiries for accommodations abroad- Dear Madam, I am honorable to accept your impossible request. Unhappy it is I have not bedroom with bath. A bathroom with bed I have. I can though give you a washing, with pleasure, in a most clean spring with on one to see. I insist that you will like this.

Source : “The Bridge of Anguished English” by Richard Lederer. Published by St. Mattin’s Press. N.Y. USA.