Author Archives: The Traveller

Lost in Translation

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Someone at the United Nation once fed a common English saying into a translating computer. The machine was asked to translate the statement into Chinese, then into French, and finally back into English. The adage chosen was “Out of sight, out of mind. ” What came back was “Invisible insane.”

A similar computer was given the task of translating into Russian and then back to English the bromide “The spirit is willing, but the fresh is weak.” The result was “The wine is good but the meat is spoiled.”

Thailand signage4

What’s wrong with the translation? “Out of sight” does mean invisible and “out of mind” does mean insane. “Spirit” does mean wine and “flesh” does mean meat? Well, some sort of correct.

English has been recognized as the international lingua franca and people have begun adopting English for the benefits of visitors. Here are some examples of other languages that have been translated into English and lost the original intended meanings.

 

  • In a Tokyo hotel : Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
  • In another Japanese hotel room : Please to bathe inside the tub.
  • In a hotel in Athens : Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11a.m. daily.
  • In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across a Russian Orthodox monastery : You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
  • On the menu of a Swiss restaurant : Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
  • In a Bangkok dry cleaner’s : Drop your trousers here for best results.
  • In a Rhodes tailor shop : Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
  • In a Rome laundry : Ladies, leave your clothes here are spend the afternoon having a good time.
  • In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency : Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.
  • Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand : Would you like to ride on your own ass?
  • In the window of a Swedish furrier : Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
  • In a Swiss mountain inn : Special today – no ice cream.
  • In a Norwegian cocktails lounge : Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
  • At a Budapest zoo : Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
  • In a office of a Roman doctor : Specialist in women and other diseases.
  • In a Acapulco hotel : The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Source : Anguished English (Anniversary Edition!) – An Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon Our Language by Richard Lederer. Published by Wyrick & Company, Charleston, South Carolina, USA.

 

Anguished English

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Sometimes there are more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than we can find in cartoons and comic strips. Here are some ads taken from “Anguished English” by Richard Lederer for you to have a good laugh.

  • For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with think legs and large drawers.
  • A superb and inexperience restaurant: Fine foods expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
  • Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
  • Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too!
  • Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruits and produce at night.
  • Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
  • We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
  • Tried of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
  • Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.
  • Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.
  • Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
  • Sheer stockings: Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
  • Save regularly in our bank. You’ll never reget it.
  • For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
  • Man, honest. Will take anything.
  • Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
  • Christmas tag-sale: Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
  • Modular Sofas: Only $299. For rest or fore play.
  • Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
  • Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
  • Illiterate? Write today for free help.
  • Wanted! Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Source : Anguished English by Richard Lederer

Language Variation

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There are vocabulary differences in the varieties spoken in different regions. Australians talk about sole parents while people in England can them single parents, and New Zealanders call them solo parents. South Africans use the term robot for British traffic light. British wellies (Wellington boots) are New Zealand gummies (gumboots), while the word togs refers to very different types of clothes in different places. In New Zealand togs are what you swim in. In Britain one might wear them to a formal dinner.

The following questions provide a simple way to check out variations of American vs. British influence on the vocabulary we use.

  • When you go window-shopping do you walk on the pavement or the sidewalk?
  • Do you put your shopping in the car’s trunk or in the boot?
  • When the car’s engine needs oil do you open the bonnet or the hood?
  • Do you fill up the car with gas or with petrol?
  • When it is cold do you put on a jersey or a sweater?
  • When the baby is wet does it need a dry diaper or nappy?
  • Do you get to the top of the building in an elevator or a lift?
  • When the children are happy do you open a can or a tin of beans?
  • When you go on holiday do you take luggage or baggage?
  • When you’ve made an error do you remove it with an eraser or a rubber?

Pronunciation and vocabulary differences are probably the differences people are most aware of between dialects of English, but there are grammatical differences too. The following are some preferred American from the traditional British usages.

  • Americans prefer to use “do you have” while British use “have you got”
  • Americans say “gotten” when people in England use “got”
  • Americans use “dove” while most English speakers prefer “dived”
  • Americans ask “did you eat?” While the English ask “have you eaten?”

Source: “An Introduction o Sociolinguistics” by Janet Holmes. Published by Pearson Education Limited.

English Translations

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Those who have travelled to the non-English speaking countries might have encountered some amusing English translations. There are some English translations Roger Axtell  has encountered while traveling round the world.

 In a Japanese hotel – You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In a Swiss hotel – Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

 In a Turkish hotel – Because of fallibility in our phone system, for room services step outside your door and shoot “ROOM SERVICE”.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby – The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Bucharest hotel elevator – To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If cabin should enter more persons, each one should a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

 In a Japanese hotel (instruction for using the room air conditioner) – Coolers and Heaters : If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From the Soviet Weekly – There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

 On the menu of a Polish hotel – Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose, beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

 From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo – When passenger of foot have in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

According to a professor at the University of Sonora in Hermosillo, Mexico, a 1993 Spanish version of the Arizona driver’s license manual contained these statements :

  • Drivers must attend the funeral wakes of children.
  • Drivers who have donated their eyes, hearts and other organs may ask to have their organs returned to them at any time.
  • Drivers must ensure that infants are constructed to certain specifications.

 Source :  “Do’s and Taboos of Using English Around the World” by Roger E. Axtell. Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. 

Travel Souvenirs

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Souvenirs.1

S$5. Poker Playing Cards (Chinese Scenic Spots – Beijing China)

Nail cutter.1

S$5. Nail Cutter cum Bottle Opener from Korea

Souvenirs.2

S$5. Poker Playing Cards (Township on Water in Suzhou, China)

Nail cutter.2

S$4. Nail Cutter from Korea

Souvenirs.3

S$5. Poker Playing Cards (Suzhou Gardens, China)

Souvenirs.4

S$5. Poker Playing Cards from Taiwan

Anti-Virus Software

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While I was surfing the Net for some entertainment a box suddenly pop-up saying that my computer was affected by virus and asked me to click an attached link to install the Power Anti-virus 2009 software. I ignored the message and continued with the surfing. After a while, the screen went blank and I was unable to start the computer again. I lock-on to another computer and continued with the surfing. The stupid box pop-up again with the same message. I was irritated and wanted to continue with my surfing so I clicked on the link to install the anti-virus software.

I talked to a few people and none of them have heard about Power Antivirus 2009. I search the internet and found this link http://www.enigmasoftware.com/support/powerantivirus2009-removal/

I wrote to the Customer Support Center and told them that I will not pay for the S$111.90 that was charged to my credit card. John replied saying that the Power antivirus 2009 is able to protect my computer against the most nefarious cyber-threats attempting to gain access to the computer and my personal information. I wrote back saying that I am concerned that the website saying that Power antivirus 2009 is not a genuine antivirus software. John did not come back to me.

A few days later, Albert replied saying that under the Refund Policy of License Agreement I can ask for a refund only when I face technical issues with the software which cannot be resolved with the help of customer support service. He requested that I provide him details of the problems I have experienced with the software.

I told Albert that I was looking for genuine anti-virus software and if this Power antivirus 2009 is not what I want I should not pay for it. I told Albert the technical issue is that Power antivirus 2009 is not “fit for use”. According to the Internet, the software is unable to protect my computer from virus attack. Moreover I was forced to purchase the software with the false pop-up security alert leading me to download the software. I further told Albert that a business transaction should be a buyer and seller willingly to transact with each other. I asked him whether you would be able to comment on what are written in the Internet. Albert went silent.

Later, James replied that in order to resolve the issue and find the most appropriate solution, he needs more information about the problem. He asked me to describe the problem I was experiencing in more details. I told James that he was the 3rd person I was dealing with for the same issue. I referred James to http://www.411-spyware.com/remove-power-antivirus-2009 where it is stated that Power antivirus 2009 is a fake anti-spyware. There are also many website teaching us how to remove Power antivirus 2009. I asked James for his comments on the write-ups. http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Power+antivirus+2009+&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&oq=

Finally, Fay wrote to me saying they will issue a credit note to the bank to off-set the payment. Fay gave me the steps to uninstall the software from my computer completely. I told Fay that I have already deleted the software from my computer and thank you for his understanding.

Here a lesson has been learned – install genuine anti-virus software.

English around the World

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English is a universal language. Even in the non-English speaking countries, people are using English as a communication tool for business, travel, culture exchange, tourism and other purposes. Here are some English taken from a book, written by Jane O’Boyle, about the English she has found around the world during her travel. See whether you are able to understand the meanings of these English words. Some of them are really good.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest: It is forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different gender, for instance men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

At a Belgrade hotel: Restauroom open daily.

At a Nairobi market: Water fountain for humans only.

In a Hong Kong tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

At a doctor’s office in Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.

At a museum in Madrid: Children Must Enter with parrots Only.

At a Barcelona café: MISS TOILET LEFT. MISTER TOILET DOWN.

On a box of Christmas lights made in China: For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese computer software manual: Hit mouth two lines in rapid succession. Move mouth so curser will appear on monitor.

On the wrapper of a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

Consumer advisory on a package of English bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On a little bag of airline peanuts: Instructions: Open packets, eat nuts.

On a full-sized package of peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.

On a hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping.

Sign at an American military base: Restricted to unauthorised personnel.

At a California restaurant: Open 365 days a year (closed on Thanksgiving)

At a Detroit savings and loan: Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In a Miami hospital maternity ward: No children allowed.

In a Kentucky clothing store: Wonderful bargins for men with 16 and 17 necks.

At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

At an Ohio shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

Sign on a New York City clothing shop: Second floor. Upstairs.

In a Hong Kong bar: Free drinks for ladies with nuts.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are suggested not to have children in the bar.

In a Paris guidebook: To call a broad from France, first dial 00, than the country’s code and the your number.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

At a Seoul hotel desk: Choose a twin bed or marriage size; we regret no King Kong size.

At a Singapore restaurant: Eat in or take Off.

On a Greek fishing pier: No hooking.

On a Mediterranean cruise shop: DO NOT LEAN ON THE WIDOW.

At a Calcutta hotel desk: Weather Today – Sun or Rain.

At a French cafeteria: Service Self – First Take Plate Form Here.

At a Turin pension: We are not responsive to your valuable losses unless they are in hotel safe.

At a Mexico City hotel: MAD SERVICE DAILY 8 TO 12.

Source : “Free Drinks For Ladies with Nuts” by Jane O’Boyle. Published by the Penguin Group.

Encounter in Rome

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My trip to Italy is full of adventure. This is my close encounter in Rome.

When I was passing by the Colosseum along the road via di S. Gregorio, I turned the corner and walked along via del Cerchi. There was a big empty field on the left and the Palatino was on the right. There was not many people along the road. I was a bit tired and stopped to get some water from my bag. A young Russian man, age about late 20s, came to me and asked for direction to his hotel.

The Colosseum

He said he had just arrived in Rome and he was travelling alone. I told him I have just arrived in the morning and I was also travelling alone. We talked for a while and he asked me to take some pictures of him with the empty field as the back ground. I felt a bit strange and wondered why he didn’t want the Palatino or the church as the background.

A few minutes later, two men came from my behind and identified themselves as policemen. They asked whether we were carrying any drugs and wanted a check. The Russian voluntarily showed his wallet to the two men and later the two men wanted me to show them the items in my haversack.

Rome

 

I took out the items from my bag slowly one by one. I suspected these two men are not real policemen. I read about cases like this in the local newspaper. The victim was asked to go to a quite corner for a full body check for drug and ended up naked while the two men ran away with his money and other belongings.

I was lucky. The two men found that I did not have much money with me and let me go. I saw some tourists passing by and shouted at them to get attention. The Russian told me that he suddenly remembered someone told him his hotel was on the other side and walked away. I continued to walk towards S. Maria in Cosmedin to see the mouth of truth.

The mouth of truth

I think back and wonder could the Russian and the two men were together as a gang trying to cheat tourists. I was not cheated could be that I was steady when they questioned me. But I would not want such incident to happen again.

Travelling alone is not easy especially when you do not understand the language in that foreign country. Nevertheless, despite this bad incident, I will still want to visit Rome again.